Maybe you’re in a romantic relationship that is not working out, but you definitely care for that person and want to keep them in your life. Is it a good idea to stay friends with them? There is no correct answer to this common but complex question; In reality, it depends on many factors surrounding you and your significant other. It’s a good idea to consider a few things before even contemplating the transition from a romantic entanglement to a long-term friendship.
When is it a good idea to stay friends with an ex?
You have taken the necessary time off after breaking up
Suppose you really are considering remaining friends with an ex. In that case, it is essential to take enough time to think things over after breaking up a romantic relationship. Time will allow you to see things in hindsight and get used to the feelings you will experience after ending your relationship. Once you know exactly how you feel when you are no longer with your partner, you can recognize and analyze if you are ready to keep your ex in your life, but now as a friend.
There is no right answer regarding the appropriate amount of time you should take after breaking things up. Some people are okay with a couple of weeks, while others could take years to figure things out. Consider that everybody is different, and romantic relationships vary and come in with complexities and difficulties of their own. Generally, suppose you had a healthy romantic relationship and a proper understanding with your ex. In that case, the time you will need to take will not be too long.
Both of you have accepted the end of the relationship
It is common to sit down with your partner and discuss your relationship’s current situation. Clear signs show everywhere when things are not going okay, so your partner will not find it surprising when you bring up the topic. Suppose you agree and are ready to end the relationship without unnecessary drama. In that case, you are ahead of the game already. It basically means that both of you have already thought about separation thoroughly, and you are on the same page about ending things amicably and maturely.
In a perfect world, all relationships would end on good terms and without conflict, but this is the real world. Many people go through daily challenging and tough breakups full of drama and misunderstandings. Make sure you and your partner are mature enough and feel ready to move on with your lives with no lingering romantic feelings. Both of you need to desire to stay in each other life differently as caring individuals, reliable friends, and not loving partners.
When is it a good idea to cut all ties with your ex?
When there is still a desire to get back together
In essence, a friend and a partner have entirely different functions. As a result, if you stay friends with your ex, you should expect to do other things than what you used to as a romantic partner. The downside of trying to have a friendship with someone you still have feelings for is that you will likely act as a lover instead of a friend. If you have any doubts, even if they are tiny, about whether you would like to rekindle a romance with your ex, you could be at risk of ruining a possible future friendship.
One way to notice if you are over your ex is to spend time away and analyze how you feel about the situation. Suppose you feel anxious, nervous, and uneasy about the lack of news from your ex. In that case, that could be a red flag signaling that you still have strong feelings about your once partner. But if you feel at ease, relaxed, and completely unbothered by the fact that you are giving each other space, then you could be on a path to a possible fruitful friendship.
The fact that your ex-partner might date someone else makes you anxious
You must face reality if you seriously consider a friendship with an ex. In real life, people break up, grieve, get over their past relationships and move on with their dating life. If you stick around as a friend, you must be okay with your ex-partner dating again. If you feel uneasy or anxious just by the thought of them moving on, that’s a sign. Don’t put yourself in a miserable situation by witnessing your once partner going out with somebody else and eventually enjoying the company of multiple people.
If for some reason, you are experiencing uneasiness and anxiety by having mixed feelings when watching your ex dating again, it’s not too late. The best thing to do is to cut all ties with your former partner and avoid future headaches and dramas for both of you. Having a friendship with an ex is not for everybody, and it’s completely fine if you don’t feel ready to take that big step. Some people can never transition from a relationship to being friends with the same person. If that’s your case, be honest and continue your path without longer forcing the issue.
Set limits to make sure you are successful in switching from a romance to a friendship
Limit communication with your new friend
Remember that your communication will be different from what it used to be. Messages and calls could be sporadic and casual, and sometimes it will be okay if you don’t get a reply back immediately. Go with the flow, and stay in touch naturally, without forcing it or pushing too hard. A simple text a few times a week should be enough to keep the friendship healthy and alive.
Be cautious about sharing information from your dating life with your ex
Even if you usually share your dating life with close friends, be careful about the information you will disclose to your ex. You don’t want to give out information that might interfere with or damage a solid friendship causing jealousy or sending mixed messages with unnecessary details. If the subject of dating new people comes up, reveal as little as possible and focus on other more productive topics.
Friendship is something special that not everyone is compatible with. As such, you once could have had a terrific partner that would not be a wonderful friend. Everything depends on the circumstances, your personalities, characters, and willingness to transition into different dynamics when being friends. If you are willing to give this transition a chance, take the appropriate time after breaking up, evaluate your particular situation before trying out a friendship, and set the necessary boundaries.
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