Will a Long-Distance Relationship, LDR, Work for Us?

Finding out if distance will suit you, your partner, and your relationship can be the key to a successful LDR. But what things should you discuss with your partner, or potential partner, when considering a long-distance relationship?

Some Pros and Cons of Being in a Long Distance Relationship…

Like everything in life, being in an LDR will have a good side and a bad side. Make sure you’re familiar with these pros and cons, so you can relish the good times, and stick it out through the bad, all thanks to excellent preparation.

Pros

If you are already in a long-term relationship and one of you has to leave, long-distance relationships allow you to maintain the bond you’ve already cultivated.

Distance can sometimes allow you or your partner to grow, especially if you decide whether to embark on an LDR for college or employment.

When you are both experiencing different things in different places, you and your partner have a unique opportunity to share interesting things you might not get the chance to do together.

A long-distance relationship can be a great learning experience and help you gain better trust and stability for your future relationship when you’re reunited.

Often, LDRs offer you less time to speak to your partner, so conversations are of a higher quality. It may lead to even learning something new about each other.

In our modern age, finding things to do together is easy, even if you are across an ocean from your partner. There are countless sites out there where you can watch movies with your partner and listen to music together all over the internet.

Cons

The most obvious con of an LDR, but also often the hardest to deal with, is the complete lack of physical touch. Perhaps you and your partner could keep an item of each other’s clothing, or your favorite cologne or perfume, to feel closer to each other.

Another obvious con of a long-distance relationship is the limits it places on your communication. In an LDR, you’ll have much less time to chat with each other or spend quality time together.

Thanks to the above con, disagreements or arguments are usually exacerbated in an LDR because you both miss each other but can’t communicate effectively. This can be a very slippery slope, but the pressure to make all conversations joyful and happy can be just as damaging.

Frustration about the situation is all too common, especially if you or your partner are having a bad day or miss your significant other. In a long-distance relationship, you’re less able to comfort each other effectively.

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What Should You Consider When Deciding to Do a Long Distance Relationship?

Ultimately, deciding whether to embark on an LDR is an enormous commitment. It’s much better to discuss all the ins and outs with your partner while you’re still together to make a decision that benefits you both.

While a relationship is a partnership, don’t disregard your own wants, needs, and emotions when making your choice.

But what are some factors you should consider when deciding whether a long-distance relationship is right for you?

1. What Do You Need from Your Relationship?

Figuring out what it is you like most about being in your relationship will help you know what to attempt to include, even if there is a distance between you and your partner.

For example, if your love language is all about quality time, you can set specific appointments with your partner. That can help ensure you’re still spending lots of time with each other, even in an LDR. If your love language is touch, however, you know that a long-distance relationship will take a bit more getting used to.

This way, you can make your partner aware that this issue might take a little longer for you to overcome.

2. How Long Will You Be Maintaining Long Distance?

Knowing when you or your partner will return and when you will be reunited can make the distance so much easier to comprehend. You’ll be far more likely to tough it out through periods of missing each other if you know how long you need to wait before you can come back together.

However, if there’s no foreseeable end in sight to your LDR without one of you drastically altering your life and living situation, it may be time to discuss the future of the relationship. 

To add to this point, many long-distance relationships are not simply an extended period away from each other, ending when you’re back together. You’ll likely make trips to see each other for short periods throughout your LDR.

This is a great way to maintain your physical relationship and remind you why you’re putting up with the distance. However, it can be much harder to repeat goodbye and return to your everyday life if you’ve had a refresher on why you love someone so much.

Knowing whether you can both deal with this separation is a big part of deciding whether an LDR will work for you.

3. Can You Maintain Regular Communication?

In a long-distance relationship, keeping in touch with each other is paramount. Maybe plan for times when you and your partner will call or text.

However, great communication doesn’t have to be just texting or calling; it can be video chatting, e-mailing, sending love letters or packages to each other with gifts or unusual food, and even gaming.

As long as you’re willing to dedicate time to each other, even though you’re not physically together, an LDR is nothing to worry about.

4. Can You Trust Each Other?

In an LDR, as soon as one of you begins to miss designated calls or drop texts, it can snowball into a big argument that might never get sorted and will hang a shadow over your relationship.

Knowing that you can trust your partner to stick it out and glean the good bits of experience with you will help remove so much of the stress and worry people attribute to place distance in a relationship.

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The Top 5 Tips for a Successful LDR…

Honesty

Don’t act like everything is peachy keen if it isn’t. If you feel you are worried about your long-distance relationship, don’t keep it to yourself. Just because there’s a distance between you doesn’t mean you and your partner aren’t together mentally.

Willingness to have tough conversations can make or break an LDR. You and your partner will still need to be honest with each other about both your thoughts and feelings regarding the situation.

When both agree, it’s so much easier to overcome any challenges your long-distance relationship might face with a team mindset.

Openness

An LDR requires much flexibility from both parties. If you can’t talk today but can squeeze in a quick phone call before work tomorrow, why not? It can be a worrying and daunting experience when you’ve never been in a long-distance relationship before.

So it’s so important to be open to everything that might come from your new LDR. A long-distance relationship is also a great way to try out some things you might not have done with your partner, like joining a new society or club.

This will also help the time until your reunion goes much faster.

Patience

Patience is an invaluable resource if you’re waiting to be reunited with your partner. For the time being, however, you’ll have to make the most of what you have and cherish the brief moments you and your partner spend together each day.

Whatever happens, don’t forget that eventually, the distance between you both will disappear, and your LDR will return to a normal relationship.   

Optimistic

People worry about long-distance relationships, especially if you’re already very close to your partner. This is not a pleasant atmosphere to start this chapter of your relationship. Going into an LDR with a defeatist attitude will likely end badly.

Maintain optimism for your love and bond, and know it will work if you both put the work in. Remember, this has the potential to be an excellent experience for both of you.

Excited

Don’t lose sight of when the distance will end, but don’t hate the distance either; it can be super beneficial to have space to grow while in a relationship, and an LDR offers lots of it.

You and your partner can grow as people, learn to appreciate each other’s independence and agency, and strengthen your trust. When you come back together, your relationship will be all the healthier for it.